Thanksgiving and Family

For many people Thanksgiving is a time when, though they want to be grateful for all that they have, often they are treated to hectic family scheduling and a lot of extra work. Dealing with your own family can be a great burden at times; dealing with your in-laws can sometimes be worse. How can a person go through this experience without feeling tired out and miserable? With a few simple steps this Holiday can be transformed from frustrating to fabulous so long as both you and your partner are on board.

Before you begin planning meals; cleaning or inviting guests sit down with your partner and discuss the feelings you have in regards to all that will take place before; after and during the Holiday. Be sure to allow your partner time to express their own feelings on the subject as they might be feeling just as worried as you are. Once you have both shared your feelings on the subject try to form a plan that you are both comfortable with. This includes deciding on the guest list; divvying up the work to be done and planning a time table. Make sure that you don’t feel as if all the work is being forced upon only one person, or that person is bound to feel resentful later on. Even in households where one partner generally does most, or all, of the cooking and cleaning; in a situation where it is important that everyone involved feel comfortable, both partners should be involved in the preparation.

Stay Calm: Once you have discussed and made decisions about how t prepare it is important to remember that the day is supposed to be a good one and not allow yourself to exaggerate little problems that might arise. Try to keep calm and have fun with what you are accomplishing; even the most mundane task can be entertaining if both you and your partner are trying to stay in good spirits.

Food: When it comes to food preparation, a great deal will have to be done on the actual Holiday, however, preparing anything that you are able to on the previous day may help a great deal with your stress level. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time and double check recipes to be sure you clearly understand the instructions as well as having all the ingredients handy. For first time, newer or unskilled cooks, you may want to try preparing a few of the dishes before the Holiday to make sure you have it down. Often relatives ask if they can bring food items and if you know that a particular dish will be difficult to prepare or coordinate, ask if they might be willing to supply it. In many cases family members are happy to help with a single dish as it makes them feel useful, but does not require the work of preparing many dishes. If you are not a skilled chef, don’t feel compelled to make everything from scratch; make use of ready-made ingredients and if necessary by something that is already prepared. Most people will not hold it against you if you’re not a world class chef; it is more important to know and accept your limitations and in many cases ready-made goods are quite delicious in today’s markets.

Cleaning: Though you may need a few touch ups on the Holiday, before the guests arrive, most of the major cleaning can be done 1-2 days in advance. Be sure to begin the day with a clean kitchen as this will help to keep your spirits high when you begin cooking. Take care of any laundry or table setting that you can the night before so that you will not have to add this to your list of to-dos. Remember that in order to make the meal special, little details such as candles; linens; properly cleaned flatware and a festive tablecloth are often of key importance. Most of these items can be dealt with on the previous day. Cleaning your guest bathroom on the previous day is also a good idea as long as you can avoid using it until after the guests arrive; it can also be handy to have something scented, e.g.: potpourri, oils or air fresheners in the bathroom as it may see a great deal of traffic throughout the afternoon and evening.

Mood: Before the guests arrive, when you are busy at work, remember that mood can affect not only how quickly and well a task can be accomplished, but can help to keep you and your partner to enjoy the day despite all the work involved. A great way to help this along is to take just a few minutes together, before you begin the day’s work, to relax. Having an energy-smart breakfast, so that you will not feel hungry or dizzy while working, is a good way to share this time. Music can also greatly affect mood; keep this in mind when making any selections to play while you work and be sure that you choose pieces that are upbeat and well liked by both you and your partner. If something goes wrong in the preparation, remember to keep your sense of humor; often the little disasters that so upset people are far worse in their minds than any of the guests. In most cases, if a dish is ruined your partner and family will understand, don’t let it ruin your day.

Time: When setting up a time for guests to arrive be sure that you will have some leeway with the cooking so that you greet family members, even if only for a quick hello. If you do not want anyone in the kitchen while you prepare it might be a good idea to have your partner entertain and keep the guests away from the kitchen. Before hand you should try to time all of the preparation so that every dish is ready at about the same time. Cleaning as you go, if time allows, is a wonderful way to keep post cleanup to a minimum. Keeping of clear of any dessert dishes that will require you to go back into the kitchen for a good deal of time may prove to be stressful; instead ready your desserts beforehand so that all that is required is serving the dishes to your guests.

Entertaining: Many people find that with all of the work they are doing it becomes difficult to interact with their guests. This can often cause the person doing all of the work to feel a combination of frustration and guilt. Remember that most families expect you to be busy as many of them have experienced the same situation and try not to allow yourself to feel unnecessarily upset. If you have prepared everything that you are able to before the event, you should have plenty of time to spend with your guests both during and after the meal.

Dealing with Family: While many couples enjoy having family over and indeed look forward to spending time with them, many other couples sincerely dread those days on which they are forced to spend time with their relatives. If you are one of the latter group, it can be very difficult to juggle all of the work the day requires while maintaining a rather mechanical smile and false good nature. The best solution, of at the very least helpful way of coping with the situation, is to discuss your feelings about family with your partner. Though the subject of unpleasant relatives maybe a touchy one, it is often better to be honest and understanding with your partner before the day arrives so that you are both able to laugh about the situation. Keep in mind that most people have a family member that they do not especially care for, but that in the spirit of the Holiday it is kind to share your thanks with others; if that isn’t enough, try to remember that it is only one day and that you will more than likely not have to be around these people for very long.

It’s Over: Many people end up with far too many leftovers and end up having to throw food away; an excellent way to deal with this problem is to buy some extra Tupperware and send family members away with remaining food. If you were able to clean as you went during the clean up the kitchen shouldn’t be in bad shape; it often helps to soak a great many of the larger pots and pans and deal with them in the morning. Once all of the guests have departed and you feel comfortable with the state of your kitchen again, take some time to relax with your partner and review the day. Allow for some time to give your own private thanks together for such a feast and for all that you have in your lives and for some: that at least it is finally over.

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Holiday Correspondence Without The Headache

Will you be sending out some sort of holiday correspondence this year? Now is a great time to get the ball rolling.

As you ponder the holiday correspondence issue, first decide whether you want to do anything at all. Does sending holiday cards create more stress in your life than it brings joy? Do you send cards only because you always have and feel like it’s something you should do? If so, release the guilt, call up your close family and friends to extend warm holiday wishes, and leave it at that! My guess is that you will not have others judging you because you did not send a traditional card. The truth of the matter is, some won’t notice, and those that do, probably won’t feel as if you’re neglecting them, only that you chose not to send cards this year. Some may even applaud your efforts to choose how you’re spending your time and make decisions that can feel hard at first. For what it’s worth, you have my permission to not send cards (because some people just need permission).

If you do decide to send out some holiday correspondence, there are a number of options available to you. Follow these steps to ensure you reach those you want to, when you want to, and deliver the message of holiday cheer on your terms.

Create a list. Will you send cards to just those you are close with or take the holiday season as an opportunity to stay in touch with lots of people you’ve known over the years? Some people will reach out to those they haven’t corresponded with in a while and know that at least once a year, they stay in touch. Perhaps with some of the newer social media tools and e-mail, you’re doing that in other ways and just want to give holiday wishes to loved ones. You choose.

Decide what you’ll send and what it will include. Consider the size and make-up of the list you just created. Will you send everyone the same thing or split your list and extend greetings in various ways?

Will you send a physical card? Will it include a photo? Will you write a hand-written note? If so, there are many options available to you. You can pick them up yourself at the store, order them online and they’ll be sent to you to personalize and mail out, or there are even services, such as Send-Out Cards where you can create your card online (it’s even possible for them to use your handwriting as the script) and it will be mailed for you (a real card, in a real envelope, with a real stamp) directly to the recipient.

Prefer to send an e-card? This can be an easy, fast, environmentally friendly and economical way to go. Many sites are available to help you create a card, upload a photo, select music or animation, personalize your message, input your contacts’ e-mail addresses and push send. They will receive an e-mail with a link to their card.

Whatever kind of card you select, don’t forget to include what you want in the card. Send it as is, write a personal message, include a “holiday letter,” a photo, or even a gift-card. Print address labels from your computer contact base or address the envelope by hand, add a stamp, a return address label and you’re ready to go.

Pick a date to send your cards. There are many options to spread good wishes. Thanksgiving to express your appreciation, Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza to offer holiday cheer or the New Year to let people know you’ll be thinking of them into 2009. Work backward from the date you’d like to mail your cards to determine when you need to buy, order, personalize, prepare and mail them. Spread out the work so the task doesn’t feel so daunting. For example, if you are going to hand-write brief personal notes, do a few each night throughout the next several weeks. Ask someone to help you with part of the process if that’s an option. Kids of all almost all ages can apply stamps, labels, or lick envelopes. Older kids who are computer-savvy may be able to help you with a mail merge to prepare your mailing labels. Break this project down and share, or, spread out the steps so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Have a plan to enjoy cards you receive. Enjoy the card in the moment you receive it, think fondly of the sender and then let the card go (trash or recycle). Alternately, you can find a way to keep and display the cards - a pretty basket, a bulletin board, or a decorative card holder intended to show off the cards and photos and allow you to enjoy them for the season. When the season is over, either toss the cards at that point, add the most special ones to a scrapbook or memorabilia box, give them to kids to use for crafts, or keep a select few to use as decoration for next year, before you receive a new batch of cards. Whatever choices you make around holiday correspondence may they sincerely bring you peace, comfort and joy.

Article by DEBBIE ROSEMONT